I Hate You because I Love You!
by Celest-Wikit
Summary: When you love someone and it is not returned all you have left is to hate them.


Severus Snape was tired and annoyed as he walked to the entrance of the Three Broomsticks. He had just finished his last class with the 7th year NEWTs when he decided to go to Hogsmede. It proceeded to rain so the only thing left for Severus to do was take shelter until it stopped. Severus opened the door and hurried inside from the rain. Of all the days to abandon his robes he chose this rainy day. He was simply wearing a crisp white longsleeve button up shirt, with his tight black alpaca longsleeve jumper over it. With a pair of tailored black slacks. He was beginning to leave his billowing cloak behind more often.  
  
Severus scanned the crowd and saw some people he knew. Some professors and others students. He walked forward and sat on a stool to order a drink, "Rosmerta, the usual would be wonderful," he said sweetly.  
  
"Sure thing honey." Rose replied smiling, even after all the time they hadn't been together she still called him 'honey.' Severus chuckled lightly to himself.  
  
"Well, well, it seems like you two are a little friendly if I may say so myself." A woman beside him said in a light voice lowering her hood. Severus turned his head to see who this stranger was and almost dropped his drink when he found himself looking into the face of Hermione Granger. The last person he expected to see here.  
  
Severus stared for a long while and then decided to speak after noticing her raised eyebrow, "Yes well there was a thing and well ... it didn't last but we still are very good friends." Severus let out smoothly, trying to remain calm.  
  
"I figured, judging from the tone of your voices and the obvious body language." She stated simply.  
  
'Hum ... still the little know-it-all girl--well woman now, that I fell in love with.' Severus thought before looking away. He cursed himself mentally for letting himself say that after having not thought about her for a, proudly, whole 24 hours. Granted there was many distractions and dreamless sleep potions involved. Suddenly Severus felt very closed in and needed some air. "Well, have a nice evening Miss Granger," he said raising from his chair and nodding to Rose before walking back into the rain to clear his thoughts.  
  
As Severus walked on he cast a water blocking charm on his clothing. He could feel the rain drip onto his hair and roll down onto his face but he didn't mind that. It was actually very refreshing. As Severus walked down Hogsmede St. memories from not to long ago came instantly flooding back to him.  
  
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It was the graduation dance, the most talked about night of the month. Every 7th year boy was walking boldly around as if to say, 'I'm good cause I got a date and you don't.' Every 6th year girl, who had been asked, and 7th year girl attending were huddling in packs and discussing what they were wearing and how they were to do their hair. Severus Snape was to be one of the professors needed to patrol to keep everything in check. When he arrived he spotted the dream team sitting together. He watched them talk and laugh and he frowned. Suddenly Ronald Weasley got up from his chair and asked Hermione Granger something. She smiled and rose from her chair with her hand in his. At the intimate contact Severus'' heart gave a hard lurch and he sighed heavily. He was incredibly jealous of Weasley and he knew it.  
  
With his eyes he followed them onto the dance floor. Weasley placed his arms around Hermiones small waist and rested his hands on the small of her back. Hermiones arms slid carelessly around his neck and they danced. Severus looked away, he needed to sit down and get a hold of himself. He wasn't used to feeling like this and it wasn't something he thoroughly enjoyed in the least. The song played on and on like it lasted for eternity. He spotted Albus and decided to start up a nice conversation to get his mind off things. As he rose the last note played, he looked over to be sure Hermione and Weasley were returning to their seats but when he looked over he stopped dead in his tracks. In that moment everything froze, his surroundings dulled, the room became so quiet in his mind.  
  
A second later the quiet was broken by a loud shatter. A shatter Severus seemed to only hear. This because the shatter was the sound of his heart breaking into little pieces like glass vials thrown to the ground. That was what it felt like too, like his heart was a small vial being thrown to the ground. What he was seeing registered clearly in his mind, Ron Weasley was now openly kissing Hermione, right there on the floor in front of his very eyes. He felt a great lump grow in his throat and his eyes stung, his insides grew so cold and hard. His whole body became devoid of any emotion except pain. Severus rubbed his eyes and made his way to the door. Passing Hermione as he went, brushing against her bare shoulder lightly.  
  
Hermione shivered and looked at her Potions Professor walk swiftly out of the room. Severus turned to get one more last look at Hermione and remember her beautiful face on this night. When he looked at her she was staring right back at him. Hermione furrowed her brow when she caught the glossy look in her Professors eyes. Then he turned away from her and walked out. Ron's voice caught her, "Hermione, baby, lets go sit down." So she let Ron lead her back to the table and pushed her thoughts away for a later time.  
  
Severus walked quickly to his dungeons and wrenched the door open. Slamming it shut once he was inside he leaned his forehead against the door and breathed heavily. In a bought of anger Severus slammed his hand into the door roughly, "Severus you fool stop beating yourself up. You should know better than to lose control like this. What did you think, that she actually might have had feelings for you?" Severus let out what would be between a snort and muffled sob as a tear made its way down his cheek.  
  
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The next morning when Hermione boarded the train with Ron and Harry she had every intention of pulling Snape into a private compartment and demanding answers as to what was with his attitude the night before. But to her surprise she could not find him and when she had asked Minerva about it her mentor looked at her sternly and simply stated that he 'hadn't come under the circumstances' and walked away. Unknowingly to Hermione Severus was lying in his bed dreaming restlessly, his face wet with tears, of how he saw her and Ron kissing, seeing the look on his face Hermione pointed and laughed, shouting about how she could 'never love a greasy git like Snape.' Then the dream would restart itself. Each time sucking up pieces of his already broken sole.  
  
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The next morning Severus woke in a foul mood. Self-pityingly he got dressed and walked down to the great hall for breakfast. When he arrived all the professors were already there except for one. Professor Binns had retired so the seat was now empty, but not for long. That morning the new teacher was to arrive. Suddenly the great hall doors were pushed open to revel a smiling young women walking to the Head Staff table.  
  
"Good morning Albus. Good morning professors!" Hermione said smiling. It had been wonderful to come back into this castle, it was her second home after all. When she spoke Severus' head snapped up in surprise. When he looked at her smiling face he got up and attempted to exit quietly.  
  
"Good afternoon Professor Snape. Its nice to see you again." Hermione turned her head to say to Severus who was now a few feet behind her.  
  
"Yes, isn't it a joyous day. May I inquire as to why you are here this morning?" Severus said with a dry sarcastic tone without turning around. He was afraid of her answer and didn't want her to see it so apparent on his face.  
  
"Well, you left so quickly I didn't have a chance to tell you that I would be replacing Professor Binns in History of Magic." Hermione replied again smiling brightly.  
  
Severus shut his eyes for a second and sighed quietly, "Well, I do believe congratulations are in order... Miss. Granger." With those last words he swept from the Great Hall robes billowing behind him.  
  
Several weeks passed like this, Hermione noticed how avoided her at any possible time and if having to stop and talk it was short and chaste, directly to the point and she had had enough. Hermione Granger decided that this was the night she would demand answers like she had wanted to do all those years ago.  
  
After dinner Hermione went to her rooms to change out of her teaching robes and into some muggle cloths. She decided on a pair of dark blue jeans with a black turtleneck, as it was very chilly in the dungeons at night. Hermione glanced in the mirror before walking down and gently brushing her hair down before she knocked on Severuss office door. She heard a loud "enter" and walked in nervously. She cleared her throat and Severus looked up from grading his papers.  
  
"Yes Hermione is their something I can help you with." Snape said before inwardly cursing himself for being so informal with her.  
  
"Yes, Severus Iv come down here in search of answers. I want to know why you have been avoiding me. Its been over 2 weeks since we had a conversation that lasted longer than 10 minutes!" Hermione furrowed her brow and placed her hands upon her hips.  
  
"Professor Granger why would you think that Iv been avoiding you. We see each other at breakfast, lunch, dinner, and staff meeting is that not enough time for you because it certainly is for me." Severus replied sarcastically. Lying and being sarcastic was something he was very good at.  
  
His words strangely stung her and the sad emotion that went across her face did not go unnoticed. Instantly Severus regretted his words, he did not mean them, but she was not to know that. She questioned him with her eyes for a minute before saying anything, "Why do you treat me as if I am still a child? Like I'm still one of your annoying students who is not worthy of your time, do you dislike me that much?"  
  
Severus sighed heavily and looked into her deep brown eyes. "I dont dislike you that much, I hate you that much." His voice was even and flat. He heard a small whimper come from her throat and saw how her eyes filled with tears. These lies were breaking his heart all over again.  
  
After regaining her composure Hermione spoke, "I thought that we could put our past behind us and become friends, good friends even. Why do you hate me, what have I done to you that made you feel this way?" Her voice was breaking more and more with each word spoken.  
  
"Fine Ill tell you what you did. You broke my heart the day you kissed Ronald T. Weasly. And then again you smashed it when you said 'I Do' to him. Of coarse I thought there was some ray of hope when I read in the Prophet of your split from him. But then you shattered my heart when you said 'Id love too' when one Remus J. Lupin asked you for dinner in his private quarters. I gave up on it then. So that's why I hate you because I love ... loved you and you did not love me back." Severus looked down as painful memories tore through his mind and heart.  
  
Hermione stood quiet for a long while. Everything had made sense to her now. She now knew the reason why Severus rushed past her with tears that threatened to fall in her 7th year. She now knew why he rushed out after the ceremony of her and Rons wedding without saying some much as good-bye. And now she knew why he had been avoiding her these past 2 weeks that she had been seeing thought about how much it must hurt him to see them together. Though there was something he did not know that she thought he should.  
  
Hermione and Remus had parted ways just 2 days ago. Now Hermione was not ready for a steady relationship and Severus was no rebound but she liked him very much. Doing only what she could think of Hermione walked up to Severus and placed a light kiss on his soft lips. He looked into her eyes surprisingly and could not tear away from them. Hermione leaned in and kissed him again but this time he had time to respond and pulled her body to his.  
  
"Severus I like you very much, I always have, but I was hit with a case of young love. I hope that you can forgive me for hurting you, I did not realize that I had done so."  
  
Severus Snape was speechless and that did not happen very often. But he did not need words at this time. He could show her that he forgave her and he did that night. And the night after that and after that. 


End file.
